As one chapter ends, another begins

Here I am sitting on my bed trying to end this chapter in my life. On Saturday morning, I will be sitting on a plane flying off to Kenya. That is where the new chapter starts. I am nervous, I am scared, I am happy, but more than anything, I am excited. After years of trying to find myself and try to fit in, I can almost feel it already now that once I have settled down in Kenya, everything will turn out to be OK. The puzzles will find the right places. Obviously I can't tell the future but I can feel the beliefs I have that what I am doing is the right thing. But hope is the only thing I can hold on too when I look into my future.

Despite all the excitement and looking-forward-to-starting-over, I am still sitting here looking at my room that I know so well and wonder how I will feel when I see it next. I'm listening to song's that reminds me of the life I have been living for the past four years. I'm looking through pictures on facebook, trying to spot out the changes in me. I replay the tears, the fights, the horror, the broken hearts, the memories, the friends, the laughter over and over again in my mind. I think about Zurich and the reputation I had; about all the rules I broke and the people I hurt, about the people who hurt me back. I think about Lena, I think about Astrid and Maria, about Luca, Marcus and all the other guys. My years there in Zurich was really a roller coaster and it isn't a ride I would take again. Then there is the summer after my last year in Zurich, where my idol Michael Jackson died. I think about why he died and how amazing it would have been if he stayed alive and had the concert. I just close my eyes and imagine him there standing on stage singing his heart out. Then of course came the possibly three best weeks of my life where I went to camp and got both friends and memories for life even though there has been some changes with the friendships there too. I think about the more previous years and my life in boarding school. The school wasn't for me, I never really figured out why but it just wasn't. Only now do I notice that it was because I wasn't ready to move on and start over back then. However, I will always be thankful for the better person I became during my time there. No matter how much I missed my summer camp or even Zurich, I still lived through it and tried to make the best of it. I think about this year, the more recent memories. This year I've probably met the weirdest people in my life. I have gotten more annoyed than I ever have. Some days I just wanted to punch someone others I just calmed myself down but no matter how badly I needed to scream, I'm still thankful I got to experience this year. I met Julia, possibly a (best) friend for life who taught me to be more confident with myself. I think back to all the things we have been through together this year. Both the tears and laughter, the love and hatred. Our crazy ideas and weird 90's obsession. The trip to Budapest, the parties, presents. I couldn't help to cry when I said goodbye to her today but it isn't goodbye, not forever, just for a year, then next summer when I come visit, we can go back to the insane old us.

It is actually crazy how up and down a life is. It really is true, people do change, for better or for worse, there will always be change. It might be hard and annoying but the only thing there is to do is to accept it. I've changed schools, what, 10 times? Houses 12? Friends 100000000? Now when I think about it, its true that the only friend who has stuck with me through it all, is Olivia. Not only my best friend, but my other half, my sister. She knows whens somethings wrong, she helps me do right when I do wrong, she completes me when I'm broken. She will always be the best friend I have ever had.