Hope there's someone

I think about this often, about life, people, friends, changes... just everything. I hear the news about little girls being killed or shootings at random places. It is so horrible, when I think about it. Isn't it weird how people could just live one minute and then just be gone forever the next? For example, I read this one Swedish girls blog, age of 18, www.akerstroms.devote.se. When she was 16, her best friend Therese was murdered by two people from her school. A boy and a girl, the exact same age. They killed her for no reason at all, they were just jealous and made a little high school drama into a crime. It is just so sick. Felicia (the blogger) hardly ever writes about her anymore but if you read her old posts, it cuts me so deep. When Therese and everyone else woke up that one morning, that had no clue about what was going to happen. She was just a normal girl living a normal life, it could have been anyone, it could have been me.

I don't really know why I am writing this here. I guess I am just insecure and when I think about life and stuff, I keep getting thoughts flying around in my mind. I don't show it on my blog but I have had a pretty hard life, it is getting better, it is more just the memories that haunt me and I feel like I don't have anywhere to write out my feelings but here. I guess I am just scared that one day I will loose someone I deeply love and care about. I do not know what I would do if one day someone dear to me would just disappear. I would rather take my own life. Ursh, I can't think like this and it is terrible but I can't seem to find a conclusion to why people die... why can't everyone just live? That way no one would get hurt from loosing someone they care about ... Why does life even exist in the first place when nobody will turn out alive anyways? I'll never understand the meaning with life and death, but I guess not knowing is the mystery of it all anyways...